Happy Birthday To Me (I Resign)

Thursday, 5 January 2017

Today is my birthday; a day that’s usually full of cake and celebration but alas I hate cake and everyone is too celebrated out thanks to Christmas and New Year being only days ago.

Birthday cards

What a melancholy way to start a post off. I guess it’s rather fitting though as my birthday makes me feel that exact way. I used to adore my birthday; I loved it being a mere 11 days after Christmas! It was always during the school Christmas holidays so I was guaranteed a day off (excluding that year when I turned 16), I got to pick out my own presents which were usually something Barbie related until I discovered the art of Jackass and demanded the full boxset and, thanks to the aforementioned dislike of cake, I got to stick candles in donuts before eating them all myself.

Somehow all of that brilliance never quite made it to my adult years. My birthday now is just a day where I turn an age I don’t really want to be and I’m not sure I’m ok with that. When I was a child it was fine, turning 10 was a huge moment and becoming a teenager was an even bigger deal. It’s the 20s I have a problem with.

I benefit from the fact I still look 16 which usually results in me still feeling 16. In my head, I’m just a regular teenager whose only worry is if my period will appear randomly and ruin my favourite underwear again. In reality, though, I’m a 20 something-year-old adult who can now figure out exactly when Aunt Flo is coming to town and hasn’t ruined any underwear in years. The adult in me wants to cook proper meals and live in a nice house with a few sticky (why are kids always sticky?) children, Teddy the dog and my adorable future husband but the teenager in me would really like to be doing some history homework and avoid “adulting” altogether.

Really what my birthday this year has brought me is a minor and very early midlife crisis. I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’ve been living all wrong and that I should be further up the adult ladder. I don’t really know if what I’m doing is right and I’m kind of just fumbling around in the dark looking for a light switch that the electrician never installed. I know where I want to be but I just don’t quite know how to get there. It doesn’t really help that being a billionaire is quite a hard thing to achieve with very little effort.

I know things will work out in the end but, for the first time ever, I’m admitting I am scared of this whole being an adult thing so I would like the world to accept this post as my resignation from adulting. I would also like this birthday to be removed from the history books so there is no record of me ageing at all. From now on I will accept the perks of adulthood (i.e. no bedtime, eating cheese for breakfast, watching R rated movies etc) and will ignore the tribulations adulthood has to offer. This post will really not reflect well on me should I ever choose to take over the world.

*Can you get a lifetime supply of baby wipes from somewhere as I really do not want my potential future children to be sticky?

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