About Me

My real name is Melissa but I prefer to go by Mel (it’s easier to find on a keychain), I’m in my 20s but I look 15 and I was born and raised in Scotland. My lack of Scottish accent confuses many people on a regular basis and I sound absolutely ridiculous when trying to use Scottish slang. Years of bad American TV means I have adopted a bad American accent.

I have a serious case of resting bitch face so do my best to smile as often as possible. The problem with doing this though is I have a chubby face so smiling only emphasises how young I look. It’s either look permanently angry or look like a teenage girl who’s just been told she can hang out with Harry Styles for the night. Dilemma.

I studied art at college in a bid to be creative and whimsical but what I actually did was waste a year of my life before getting a job. Now that I have a job I’m working my way from the bottom and I’m doing it with a permanent confused expression upon my face. What can I say? I paid more attention to art than I did anything else in life.

Sometimes people call me weird and that’s okay. Life without the occasional strange comment or odd move is just dull. I imagine some people have an issue with my random ways of thinking but hey, that’s their deal not mine.

Shall I give you some random facts now? You didn’t ask for them but I’m going to give you them anyway

• I love NFL and I’m a diehard Chargers fan
• I have no upper body strength so please don’t ask me to lift anything
• My other half and I went to school together but didn’t actually meet until we began working together. It was apparently my butt that attracted him to me. Stay classy.
• Requiem For A Dream is my favourite book and film
• I worry a lot and I mean a lot
• My other half and I started our relationship after he sat on my head while we watched 8 Mile.

On a scale of one to ten how much of a tool did I just sound?

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