Confession: Why I'm Not Against Plastic Surgery

Thursday, 21 September 2017

Watercolour Female Body

I was always a funny looking kid. I was dorky and awkward and had a face that was far too round for my skinny body. I was smaller than the majority of kids my age and was always told by the adults around me that one day I would shoot up and be the girl who goes to clubs in impossibly short dresses and be a wild child. I never shot up (I barely got over 5 feet), I don’t go to clubs all that often because the music bothers me (fickle right?), I own short dresses but I constantly worry my butt is on show while wearing them and I was hardly a wild child. Looking back, I guess they were all assuming my more flamboyant ways would remain firmly in my childhood and I would become the same as everyone else but my body and mind had different ideas.

Admittedly, I tried to go against the grain as a kid. Everyone I was friends with was too similar and that just didn’t seem fun to me. They turned up to school discos in jeans and t-shirts and I turned up in pink sequinned dresses knowing fine well I’d get funny looks and bitched about all night. They played with makeup while I learned to skateboard. They worked out dance routines to Busted and I sang along to Linkin Park. We naturally drifted apart once we got to high school but, while I maintained my internal differences to the majority of people, I couldn’t help but notice the external differences. Puberty found me at 10 years old but it forgot to give me the thing that it gave every other girl.

We’d been told about puberty numerous times at school; we heard all about body hair and periods and pregnancy so it wasn’t exactly a scary thing for me to go through. I was fully aware I was growing up and figured I’d finally get rid of the awkwardness and the round face and would have big boobs and a nice butt. I got the nice butt (thank you mum!) but the big boobs never arrived. The boobs just didn’t want to make an appearance and that made me more self-conscious and awkward than ever.

My lack of lady lumps raised a few issues for me. Throughout the whole of high school, I still felt like a little kid because my body looked like a child’s with the added addition of unwanted body hair and a period. Finding clothes was a problem as tops would just bunch up and highlight my lack of boobage. When I did find clothes that showed I had something on my chest people made the assumption that I was stuffing my bra so I would shove those tops to the back of my wardrobe. I took to wearing hoodies all the time so I could hide my body; even in the summer, I was walking around in black hoodies while everyone bared their pale Scottish skin.

Once I hit the age of 18 I thought surely something is going to happen. Surely these breasts are going to finally find me and I’m going to have something to make clothing look better and stop me from feeling so childlike but nope, that never happened. I was hateful of my own body by my late teens and wanted to change a lot of it. The best option for me was plastic surgery and, despite the fact all surgical procedures make me squirm, I spent hours watching videos of breast augmentations, I scoured a Plastic Surgery Directoy Info, I researched people’s experience with their surgery and had numerous favorited websites on the aftercare. I was ready to save up for a boob job and then my breasts appeared. I’m always late to the party.

Don’t get too excited for me, they’re still small in comparison to the size I wanted but they’re perfectly in proportion to my body and I’m eager to keep them in their current state for as long as possible. That means I haven’t ruled out the idea of a breast augmentation, it just means I’ve put it on the back burner for a while. I don’t need a boob job right now because anything bigger than what I have would look ridiculous but, as gravity and age take over, my breasts will get closer to the ground and I have no issues with fighting age with surgery. I’m really not against having a bit of Botox and the occasional facelift to keep age at bay. Growing old gracefully is a beautiful thing but I love the fact that I can make fine lines disappear and stop my boobs from swinging across the floor if I really want to. It took 10 years for my lady lumps to appear so I want to keep them in their current perky state for as long as I possibly can.

Disclaimer: This post is in collaboration with

Lush Oatifix Review

Tuesday, 5 September 2017

If you haven’t eaten a whole “sharing” bag of Doritos while watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey you’re a liar.

I’m usually ok when it comes to my diet but sometimes I just want to bathe in Irn Bru and have an unlimited supply of crisps next to me. It’s incredibly obvious when I’ve gone on a junk food binge as my skin makes me look even more zombie like than usual and I’m probably trying to hide the moon craters that have erupted all over my face. Usually, my skin will go back to normal after a week of drinking nothing but water and force feeding myself carrots but a week is too long for my impatient self. I want quick fixes to all of my problems and my quick fix skin care starts and ends with Lush.

Lush Oatifix fresh face mask

Thanks to Lush’s bring back 5 empty pots for a free face mask deal and my Lush addiction, I’m doing pretty well in having a steady supply of fresh face masks to work with. I usually opt for Cosmetic Warrior but, as I had been on a junk food binge in the days leading up to visiting Lush, I wanted something that was going to help my dried out, icky skin. I went for Oatifix on the recommendation of a Lush employee who always seem to be the nicest people both in personality and smell wise.

Oatifix is made from bananas, illipe butter, oatmeal, ground almonds and a whole bunch of scientific sounding things to help moisturize dry skin. It smells like a hearty breakfast cereal and is just as thick and lumpy. My other half and I had a hell of a time trying to get Oatifix onto our faces as it doesn’t stick to skin as well as other Lush face masks.

Once you’ve battled with the application of Oatifix and you have a nice, thick face mask all you have to do is wait around for 10 minutes before washing the oat lumps off. Washing Oatifix off is just as difficult as applying it so I really wish I had used this face mask right before showering; that would’ve been too sensible for me though!

Lush Oatifix fresh face mask

I was adamant Oatifix was going to leave my skin looking and feeling greasier than a chip pan after I’d washed it off but I couldn’t have been more wrong if I tried. Oatifix had actually managed to get my skin back to normal after just one use and it had evened out my other half’s skin tone (he suffers from acne scarring and a little redness). Admittedly, my other half did resemble a wax figure but that look had disappeared by the following morning. Every other use of Oatifix gave us the same results which meant I didn’t have to consume an obscene amount of carrots! My other half did accidentally fall asleep with it on but, despite having oat goo on his face for 2 hours, it didn’t have any negative effect on his skin whatsoever.

My only wish for Oatifix is that it didn’t expire so quickly. The face masks in Lush are amazing but only getting around 3 weeks of use from them before they go out of date isn’t fun. More often or not, I never finish the small tubs and I’ve seen one too many moldy Lush products to risk using them beyond their expiration date. Despite the limited timeframe to use Oatifix in, I’d still happily pick this face mask up every time I’ve got tubs to return and skin to fix.
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